We are each born as totally authentic beings. Then something happens. From the time we are tiny, society starts telling us exactly how to think, what to believe, how to act, how to dress, etc.
These ideas are not offered as helpful suggestions. Rather they are introduced within a system of societal punishment and reward. You will be rewarded with society’s approval if you follow the status quo, and you might be ridiculed or ostracized if you don’t.
Some people are really good at fitting in. Others are not. But nonetheless, this is society’s stated goal: Fit in, or else.
My Personal Experience
I know from first-hand experience what it’s like to try to fit in, when there is no way to do so and still be authentic.
It happened in the course of raising my two children.
Here is the authentic me: I am a channel and a walk-in. I have daily interaction with the loving, fantastic, inter-dimensional beings of Telstar. My reference points are not a product of the current situation that has existed on this planet for many thousands of years. This is all very normal for me.
In my work as Telstar, people say they have benefited greatly from all of this, and people from all walks of life say that it has dramatically transformed their lives for the better.
But when you have two young children who are heavily involved in regular kids’ activities, you find yourself in the daily company of parents who might be horrified at what I just wrote above. And who might decide to ostracize your children due to their mother’s “weird ways”.
So, in order to protect my children, I decided to live a double life. When in the company of these other parents, I chose to stay quiet, share as little as possible about myself, and do my best to pretend to be like everybody else.
But this took a tremendous toll on me. I thought I would be just fine at first, as I had noble intentions. Protect my kids, and avoid offending anyone who would not be interested in my work and what I was really about.
But the wear and tear of flipping back and forth from my true self to this fake self on a daily basis was just too much. It was exhausting! And painful. And I have to say that the fake self was incredibly boring – even to me. When interacting from that place, I felt like an empty shell with no substance. I had to reign in all of my natural self-expression and reduce myself to being good at “small talk”. And small talk is a perfect phrase, because boy, did I feel small! During those interactions, I was literally just a fragment of my real self.
What are the consequences of fitting in?
Fortunately for me, this way of being was only a small part of my larger life, and now it’s over. But for some people, it becomes their entire life.
The consequences of fitting in, when it is not who you are, can be truly tragic. That tragedy becomes apparent when a person realizes that they are on the path of a wasted life, and have never even entered the road of their true potential. In fact, if you have done this, you may have exited the path of your real potential early on in life. You may have been convinced that reaching the status quo was going to be your best achievement. Learning to be like everyone else was going to exist as the pinnacle of your life.
But our creator is not in the business of producing human clones. God produces rich diversity in humanity, with an unlimited source of multi-talented individuals. Each one of us is unique and special in our own way. We are actually empowered by our individuality!
If you have spent a lifetime trying to fit in, then what you have actually done is to turn against yourself. You have unwittingly decided that who you are is not acceptable to the rest of the world.
This is the ultimate in self-repression. Here are a few of the symptoms of having done so:
- You look happy on the outside, but are exceedingly sad on the inside.
- You don’t like yourself very much.
- You are lacking in self-confidence.
- You only feel good when you have the approval of others.
- You console yourself with the fact that others may think you have “made it”. Even though you don’t feel like you have and are unfulfilled.
- You do not feel free to do anything new or express yourself from the heart, because it might rock the boat of other people’s expectations.
- You feel terrified at the thought of losing the approval of others.
- You believe that the consequences of losing other’s approval far outweighs the enormous gifts of being yourself.
The funny thing about this list is that it is mainly your own disapproval of yourself that is standing in your way. You have set a standard for yourself that is dictated by other people, not by your own heart.
How to reclaim your authenticity
The ease with which you can reclaim your authenticity is dependent upon how much of your life is consumed by self-denial. But whatever the case, the best way to start is with baby steps, until you feel that you have fully reclaimed who you are, and are comfortable being the authentic you. So here are some simple things to contemplate that can help you to get back on track with validating your own, true self-expression.
- First, you must assess where you are. Make a list of all the places in your life where you feel you are not being yourself. Where do you feel that you must put on an “act” in order to feel accepted?
- Now choose one of these areas that you feel would be the easiest for you to make changes in. Choose the least confrontational first.
- Focus your energy in this area. Notice your behavior around others. Do you feel free to express yourself authentically? Or are you always careful to say what you believe is the “right thing”?
- Start making little changes in this area. Test the waters. Can you express yourself in unexpected ways that are truer to what you feel? Start to cultivate courage in saying what is in your heart. Learn to do this in respectful ways that also honor the feelings of others who may think differently from you.
- As you start to loosen up, you can begin to look at other areas that may be more difficult for you. Again, start with small changes and work your way into bigger changes. The whole idea is to align your expression with your unique, individual, creative self.
- Eventually, you may find yourself wanting to make some larger life changes and opening up new avenues of expression for your passion and even your life’s purpose.
Important things to remember
The idea in being authentic is to become more of who you are. It is not about alienating other people. With that said, there might be some people who do not want you to change because their identity is dependent on you being entirely predictable.
Make your changes with sensitivity and love. Respect the opinion of others, without compromising your own. Be sincere, not harsh. In spite of what others may think of you, remember that you are the one that you will face if you waste your life for the approval of others. You are ultimately the one who will suffer.
Being authentic does not mean being mean, cruel, or vindictive just because you feel like it. Merely feeling like doing something does not necessarily equate authenticity. You might just be reacting to circumstances, which is something altogether different. True authenticity is always an expression of love, because it comes from your highest, truest, most sincere self. Your true self is made of love. Causing harm or hurt to someone is not a product of authentic love.
There will always be people who don’t want you to change. You will have to find a way to navigate these relationships and decide if they are in your best interest or not. You will have to decide the level of compromise that you can or cannot make, and still be true to yourself.
The more that you can live an authentic life, the happier you will be. And the easier it will be to reach your full potential as a human being, because you will be living as the captain of your own ship.
You will begin to experience a freedom and empowerment that you never imagined possible in your previous state of seeking the approval of others. And ironically, people may be even more drawn to you because you will be living the type of life that they would love to live for themselves. You therefore give them courage and hope that what you have done may also be possible for them.
Your authenticity not only empowers you, but it also empowers others by showing them that it can be done. Authenticity is profoundly magnetic!
There will always be naysayers. Just remember that what these people are saying is not really about you. What they are actually saying is that what you are doing is not something they would ever want to do themselves. If they speak against you forcefully, it is only because they need to make that forceful statement to themselves.
You have merely provided them with a focal point and an opportunity. You have given them an opportunity to make a strong statement to themselves that they will never go down that path of free self-expression. They are just erroneously using you as the object of their statement. So just ignore it, and let them be. You do not have to defend what God created you to be.
Set yourself free, live from your heart, be loving towards others, and you will have a wonderful life!
Do you have any stories about trying to fit in and what that felt like? What are your overall thoughts on this topic? I’d love to know! Share a comment with me below. 🙂
