How to Benefit from Failure
A fear of failure is probably the single greatest reason why so many people do not pursue their dreams. Failure has been grossly mischaracterized as a bad thing, probably because of the way we were taught to avoid it in school.
This is not to say that one should not try to succeed. But it is important to realize that failure can serve as an irreplaceable asset on the road to success, if it is dealt with appropriately.
A fear of failure is tied to a fear of thinking creatively. Thinking creatively is always a wild card, when it comes to the status quo. Yet, creative thinking is the source of all of the greatest inventions and contributions to humankind throughout history.
To be paralyzed by a fear of failure is to avoid living up to your full potential. It is what makes life boring, routine, and dull. It is nearly impossible to expand as an individual and continue to harbor a false belief that failure should be avoided at all costs. To be ruled by the fear of failure means abandoning yourself as a creative individual.
What are the benefits of failure?
It’s not failure that is the problem. It is the fear of it that causes all the trouble. We are taught to be afraid of failure from a very early age. It is learned behavior. We are told that failure is always accompanied by punishment or negative consequences. Unfortunately, we are also led to believe that this is where the story ends. We are never told about the positive side of failure.
Failure is one of the most powerful teachers that you will ever encounter. In fact, I would contend that failure is vital to success. It shows us immediately when we veer away from our chosen path and destination. It allows us to correct our course, and to strengthen our intelligence and creativity.
As a young child, failure helps teach us how to walk. Each time we fall down, our muscles learn to course-correct by making infinite, tiny adjustments until we have mastered walking. Our muscles get stronger and our balance improves, the more that we try. Can you imagine if we applied the fear of failure to learning to walk as a tiny child? We would all be living in wheelchairs.
Failure always demands good things from us, if we are willing to listen. It asks us to try harder and to be more creative. It asks us to improve our intelligence and upgrade our ability to learn. It asks us to expand our consciousness and broaden our sense of possibilities.
How do we sabotage failure’s powerful teaching?
There are a number of ways that we can sabotage failure’s ability to make us stronger, better, more successful people. These are also the ways that we sabotage failure’s ability to improve our levels of happiness and fulfillment. By avoiding failure, we are literally shirking a goldmine of power and learning!
1. – We allow ourselves to be convinced that avoiding failure is the main goal in life. This goal becomes more important than fulfilling our dreams and living successfully.
2. – We completely misinterpret the meaning of failure. Instead of seeing it as a hugely valuable tool of learning, we decide that it exists only to prove a negative judgment about ourselves. We decide that failure’s chief purpose is to prove to the world that we are “bad” people and basically losers. This is utterly erroneous! Yet, if you believe this, then you will sadly spend your entire life avoiding failure, because you want to stay away from anything that proves you are bad.
3. – Instead of learning from failure, we try to escape it. We do this by making excuses and posing as victims. This way, we can say that failure is not our fault. We can pretend that it has nothing to do with us. In this case, we eliminate any possible benefit from the experience, and are likely doomed to repeat it.
4. – Rather than learn from our failures, we choose instead to reign in our creative thinking and repress our behavior. We allow failure to intimidate us and cause us to withdraw. We erroneously believe that failure’s message is to “get back in our corner and stay there”. But nothing could be further from the truth! Failure’s real message is to keep going and find another, better way. It is merely telling us to adjust our path and adjust our thinking, so that we are better able to succeed.
What if other people criticize me when I fail?
If you are using failure as a learning tool and are making a sincere effort to improve and continue moving forward, then such criticism is likely unwarranted. In this case, it may be other people’s fear about their own potential failures that is driving their criticism.
The only thing that could be wrong with failure is if you succumb, withdraw, and don’t do anything to take advantage of it. In that case, failure is being used as a destructive force, rather than as a golden opportunity.
Your greatest critic when it comes to failure is likely yourself. Don’t use failure as an excuse to beat yourself up. This is what makes failure destructive instead of constructive. Instead, use failure for its highest purpose, which is to make you even better at whatever you are trying to do.
People are often embarrassed by their failures. This can be easily corrected by using failure as a course-correction tool, rather than as a weapon against your own self-esteem.
How can I use failure in a positive way?
Start by setting goals for the kind of experience you want to have. How do you want to live? What kind of person would you like to be?
Next, go about trying to create those improvements in your life. If your goals represent things that you haven’t done before, be prepared to experience some failures along the way. Do your best to succeed, and when you have failures, use them to correct your course and improve your efforts. This puts failure in its proper perspective, which is that a certain amount of failure is necessary in the process of reaching success.
Give up the idea of avoiding failure. That should not be your goal. Your goal should be to succeed. Remind yourself that failure is not the problem. Fear is the real issue, and you don’t have to believe in the fear of failure if you are using failure constructively.
Always approach your actions responsibly. Losing your fear of failure does not mean to be reckless and unconscious. Do your very best to behave in an intelligent fashion, and when you do experience a failure here and there, make it your partner in strengthening you, encouraging creativity, and correcting your course.
Remember that the only way not to fail, is to never do anything at all.
Have you found yourself sacrificing success in order to avoid failure? Or has failure taught you some valuable lessons that you were later able to translate into success? Share your thoughts with me in the comments below. I’d love to hear your perspective!
Thanks Saratoga! Your articles are always timely. They always address an issue that I’m going through at that very moment. I’m going through (and have been put in charge of) a never been done before project at work, where I’ve only been for 9 months. Of course everyone is watching me and the more I fear making a mistake, the more debilitating the fear becomes. After reading your article, I’m ready to let go of the fear. I’ll do my best and adjust my actions as required. But I cant be afraid to fail. If that’s not good enough, then perhaps this isn’t the right place for me. Thanks again for all your advice. It’s always very welcome.
Hi, Chinthaka! I have an additional suggestion for you about your project at work. Since you are talking about a nagging thought about failure, where failure has NOT ACTUALLY OCCURRED, then this thought is currently unreal and should be banished as having no basis in reality.
The best way to do that is to fill your mind with positive affirmations about the successful completion of this project. Start by writing the affirmation in the present tense (very important!). For example: “I am so happy and grateful now that I have successfully completed this project with ease”. Now, my example might be a little weak because I don’t know anything about the project and circumstances. Just write the “I am so happy and grateful now that….” and fill in the rest with the outcome that you desire.
Make your affirmation simple and to the point. Don’t make it complicated. You can write more than one, but keep each one relatively simple.
I would suggest you write it over and over again, every single day. Repeat it to yourself over and over during the day, and especially when those fear-based thoughts try to enter your mind. Refuse entry to those thoughts. Immediately begin repeating the affirmation(s).
The idea is to make the positive thoughts more potent than the negative, fear-based thoughts, and leave those negative thoughts no room to exist. At some point, you will start to believe the positive and it will become real for you.
The reason this is important is because you want to enjoy this project! You want to enjoy the challenge and experience free-flowing creativity when looking for solutions.
I hope this helps. I KNOW you can succeed at this! Think of how happy you will be when that happens. 🙂
Sending you love and blessings for a totally successful outcome!
A really good reminder. Thanks!
You’re welcome, Susan. 🙂
Hi Saratoga,
This message resonates intensely with me since my life has been a roller coaster of successes and failures. For a large portion of my life I identified with the failure rather than the success I achieved prior to. The fact that I was able to create and launch something was a real coup when I did it. Now in hindsight, as I realize that letting failure permeate my existence was completely counterproductive and got me nowhere, I acknowledge myself for the courage I had to create what I initially did in the first place–rather than the end result of a particular endeavour which failed. To me, in my experience, success and failure coexist. Even if you’re making great progress with something that you’re applying yourself to that aligns with your goals and dreams (which is what I aspire to), failures along the way will always be part of the mix. Inevitable. That old adage about the plane that’s never on course, mostly off, but creates and adjusts along the way to get to its destination, is pertinent.
I’ve adopted this way of thinking so that I’m not afraid to move forward in my life and take new risks to achieve my goals. I know that there may be failure certainly, but I am resonating more with the fact that I can be successful since I know a lot more now than I did when I failed a lot. And I also know that I’ve succeeded as well.
I hope this makes sense–it’s tricky to articulate. This is definitely a loaded issue for me. Everyone has a different experience but we’re all taught as kids in this world that we’re supposed to be good little girls and boys, and that “if we don’t make it” somehow that makes us bad. That’s simply a lie. I’ve learned that trying new things, having the courage to succeed, or fail, is paramount in my creative life, and ultimately my growth.
Thanks for reminding me that some days, or at times in my life, now being one of them, my focus has been too much on not succeeding. So I can shift my mindset as I create and adjust my course moving forward. You always manage to target what’s going on…..
I love how you never fail to do that. 🙂 Thanks so much!
With love …
Leigh
Leigh, I think you encapsulated the whole thing when you said that your focus has been too much on NOT succeeding. If that’s what you focus on, that makes it more likely to happen.
If you want to throw a ball into a basket, you have to focus on the basket, right? You might want to try this simple exercise. Pick up an object that you can throw into a wastebasket. Before you throw it, think about all the ways that you can MISS throwing it in the basket. Your eye will probably start to wander and you will miss it.
Now, decide that once and for all, you will throw that object into the basket. Notice how your eye immediately focuses on the basket. You will probably throw it into the basket without a problem.
The idea here is not to just accept that failure exists and be okay with that. It’s to do everything you can to SUCCEED by focusing on that, and when failures occur, use them to move you forward with greater learning.
You’re right, Saratoga. I realize from my observations and your response how much more focused on failure than I’ve been on success in my life. It’s always knocked me down badly and I’ve carried it with me to a great extent. Hmmm…. not rocket science, is it. I’m becoming more and more aware of how automated so much of my thought processes have been, even though intellectually my perception tries to tell me otherwise. Revelatory. Thank you!
And the simple exercise of the practical, throwing the ball into the wastebasket with a “miss” thought form vs a success or “I’m getting it in” thought form. I will watch this, and work on it from a simple place so that I can get better at it. There’s no doubt that thought forms can be changed, with diligent practice. Akin to getting better at anything, right? Like the piano… 🙂 or writing or composing.
Thank you so much for your insights–always incredibly valuable!!
I’m listening, learning and doing.
🙂 🙂 🙂
Live an open-minded life and stay cool with criticism as it can be a beneficial teacher.
Catherine, I agree that criticism can teach, if it is constructive and aims to be supportive and to inspire success for a person.
Yet a great deal of criticism is destructive, fear-based, and self-serving. I think the best way to tell the difference is to note if the person doing the criticizing is coming from love and has a track record of having your best interests at heart.
If the criticism is toxic and destructive, then sometimes the greatest learning that can come from that is to learn to walk away and not take it in.
Thank you for bringing all this information to my attention, I’m for sure going to put it to good use. Although I have made many mistakes throughout my life, I’ve never been one to give up easily. But, there’s an issue with schooling. I dropped out of high school, but got a G.E.D.. I went to a career center & dropped out. I went to college & dropped out because I was failing in my first semester. I’ve tried several different times to go back to school, but have failed. Now I’m in my 50’s & am afraid to go back to school, because I’m afraid of being stuck with school loans that I’m not able to pay back, if I can’t find a employer to hire a woman my age. . Does that sound like I’m self-sabotaging myself ?
Rhonda, I don’t think you want to sabotage yourself, but I do think there is a pattern at work here that is sabotaging you. Through repetition, failure has become a habit. Unfortunately, this habit has caused you to lose faith in yourself.
Now you are afraid to go forward because you don’t trust yourself to succeed. You might try looking at this as a need to change a habit to something more aligned with what you want.
What you can learn from this is that it’s important that you learn to follow through and complete what you set out to do, so you can trust yourself again.
You can try changing this pattern in small ways. Decide to learn something that is not overly challenging. Follow through and complete that. Then keep repeating that in bigger and bigger ways. Acknowledge yourself for succeeding each time you follow through and successfully complete some form of learning. Put a time limit on each piece of learning. As your confidence grows, you will feel more inclined to take on more, and slowly change a habit of failure into one of success.
Also read what I wrote to Chinthaka, above, about affirmations. This can help you, too.
One more thought – You can always expand your thinking about getting a job. If you can’t find what you want, can you do something to earn money on your own? Lots of people have done this. 🙂
Saratoga, I can only imagine if i received such guidance as a child. It is not so much that I am afraid of failure – my stubbornness never allows me to quit easily; however, I could save time by learning from where I veered off the path instead of perpetually finding new paths toward the goal. Oh – I was about to lament how I could be further ahead. Instead, I now say: Thank Goodness, I can move so much further ahead.
Thank you Saratoga.
Monica, this is such a great point and so common. Oftentimes we don’t even think about learning from failure. Instead, we can be more inclined to be reactive. The usual reaction is to run away, quit, or look for a new path without learning from our mistakes.
If we just look for a different path without learning, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes in a different form. A great example is a story that is oh so common. A person enters a relationship with someone who turns out to be terrible for them. So they say to themselves, “I’m never doing that again. I’ll just look for a different person.”
Then lo and behold, they find that this new and different person somehow morphs into a copy of the exact relationship that they swore they would never repeat. Some people repeat this over and over again, and then finally give up on relationships altogether.
Now if the same person were to take the time to evaluate their part in the first failed relationship, and figure out where they went wrong in making such a choice, they could evolve and improve their chances the next time around.
You can apply this idea to virtually everything in life.
Oh Saratoga, you are “strumming my pains with your fingers,” as the lyrics go. Your insights are amazing!!!